A Perfect Storm of Hotness
by mdiggory
Summary: A Collection of Rachel centric drabbles/one-shots. Femslash though not graphic


**Glee Drabble-A-Thon**

A/N: I had a bunch of ideas for several different ships that I probably will never get around to writing, so I figured 'why not just post them as slightly longer drabbles?' Some of the plots were taken off of the Glee Meme Recs boards, one is a deleted scene from my fic **Bring Me Home **and the other is just something I was playing around with. Just to be safe, I'd categorize them all as rated R and some are femslash. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Fox

**A Perfect Storm of Hotness **(outtake from Bring Me Home)

'_Damn that Mother Pucker!_' Rachel silently fumes, '_How is he capable of talking me into these idiotic situations?'_

The idiotic situation at hand; standing on the beach at the Tuesday Night Bonfire, attempting to choose which lucky girl she's suppose to engage in what Noah deemed 'Crazy Wild Ass Sex!'

"You wish to be my wing-person, Noah?"

"Come on Berry, it'll be awesome, I'll be the Mario to your Luigi."

"I'm Mario," Rachel corrects her friend, " you can be Yoshi."

"Is that your way of saying you wanna ride me?"

"No," she rolls her eyes at the smirk etched on his handsome face, "it means that if we come under fire or get hit by a flying turtle, I can discard you and still save my life."

Puck scoffs at the insinuation that she would ever callously toss him aside but before he can launch into his reasons why the Puckasaurus is such an awesome ally, they are interrupted by a beautiful brunette, who's hungrily eyeing Rachel.

"Hi, I saw you standing over here and I just wanted to tell you I really like your bikini, is it Dior?"

Rachel nods mutely, cringing inwardly at her lack of communication skills at this crucial moment.

"J'adore Dior!" the girl gushes in a raspy yet sexy voice, "I'm Holly…"

"Puck and this is Rachel." jutting his thumb in Rachel's direction, "We were just about to head back into the house for a drink, wanna join us Holly Golightly?" that seems to break Rachel out of her trance and she shoots an incredulous glance at her friend. "Yeah I saw the movie, shut up."

Aubrey du Pres summer home was like something out of an issue of Architecual Digest. Floor to ceiling windows, an open floor plan tastefully decorated with comfortable yet stylish furniture and a beautiful wood-burning fireplace separating the living room from the dining room. The trio hang out in the living room, finishes off one bottle of Grey Goose and by some unspoken (miracle) agreement, heads upstairs to Rachel's bedroom.

Puck watches in astonishment as Rachel gently drags her nails up the other girl's thigh, all the while purring the dirtiest litany of words in between sucking on her swanlike neck. Now Puck considers himself a fucking connoisseur of sextalk but the phrases Rachel Berry of all people, managed to string together has a blush creeping along his face. Apparently he's not the only one adversely affected, his eyes nearly bulge out of his head when the girl beneath his friend sharply arches her back, a keening wail falling from her lips, her body shuddering violently. '_Jesus Christ Monkey-Balls!_' In the short amount of time it's taken him to open the bottle of vodka and pour himself a drink, Berry gave that girl a fucking orgasm without even touching her ladyparts.

A few years ago, this little scene _so_ would have gone into his next email to Penthouse Forum, but Puck congratulates himself on his newfound maturity. Snatching the bottle and shot glass of vodka from the dresser, he takes a huge gulp, savors the acidic burn racing down his throat and with one last parting glance at the two now naked beautiful girls rolling around on the bed, exit's the room.

"And so shines a good deed in a wary world." adjusting his uncomfortably tight shorts, Puck decides to trol the beach for any stragglers that hadn't already found someone to go home with. If he's lucky, there may even be a couple of 6's but after a few more drinks that won't matter much. Being a grownup fucking sucks!

* * *

**This Woman's Work **(AU, Shelby centric drabble)

It's times like this when Shelby really, really wishes she could have a drink but as she catches sight of the 10 years sobriety chip dangling from the keychain that's jammed into her ignition, Shelby reminds herself that there are more important things than losing herself at the bottom of a bottle. If only she'd learned that lesson ten years ago, then she wouldn't have been a last resort call in this situation.

Pulling to an abrupt stop in the first open space she sees (yeah it's a handicap spot and she's pretty sure she'll get a ticket plus a one way pass to Hell for just thinking, 'what the fuck do handicap people need so many parking spaces for anyway?') Shelby grabs her purse and a handful of legal documents and races to the emergency doors of Lima General Hospital.

She was brought in several hours ago after collapsing during Glee practice and the school nurse had been unable to revive her. Her temperature high enough to fry her brain and Shelby has to wonder how it was possible the girl suffered through classes all day before finally succumbing to her illness fifteen minutes before practice was over. Also, what kind of teachers let's an obviously sick student sit in class after class and not demand that she immediately seek medical attention? _Fucking amateurs_! She makes a mental note to get every single one of their names tomorrow, they may not know it but their incompetence just provided her with a huge leg up in her legal battle.

* * *

Someone anonymously posted this prompt to the angst meme page:

Pre-teen!Drizzle successfully breaks up Rachel and Quinn because she wants a normal family. Quinn blames Rachel for the split, Rachel is depressed her daughter doesn't want her and Drizzle regrets everything and is desperate to get her family back. Must include Broadway-Star!Rachel

**What I've Done**

For the record, it wasn't suppose to be like this. All she wanted was for her childhood to be a little less…freaky. All she wanted was for her family to be normal or at least as close to normal as her friends and classmates. But what had started out as simply correcting her family makeup, soon escalated into catastrophe.

It's only 9:44 pm on a Tuesday night and her mother is already draining the last drops of her second bottle of Shiraz. She's miserable, has been for the past fourteen months and it's all Elizabeth's fault.

It's been fourteen months of watching her mother slowly slip away. Fourteen months of watching her mother drinking alone in the dark, silently crying as she listens to her favorite Broadway soundtrack. Whenever _Her_ voice pours through the speakers of the stereo the tears are no longer silent. Fourteen months since she's blown her happy family to smithereens and thirteen months since she realized what a selfish moron she had been to destroy her mother's relationship.

Elizabeth made her mother cry, she should have the words, 'World's Biggest Jackass!', scribbled across her forehead. But no maybe that was a bit too much, she was raised to be a proper young lady and proper young ladies didn't walk around with vulgarity written on their faces. Perhaps she should have the initials etched onto one of those rubber band bracelets, 'W.B.J.' on second thought, those letters would just invite all sorts of unpleasant connotations.

* * *

**Every Breath You Take**

Requested by nikkiglitz01:

Jacobs stalking/harassment of Rachel is getting worse. To the point of Rachel afraid of being alone and constantly watching over her shoulder. Could include some abuse from Jacob to Rachel. Bonus points if something happens while Rachel's alone somewhere outside of school. The gleeks are all on Rachel's side. Puckelberry please!

She shouldn't have agreed to stay an hour later, it's already dark and the parking lot on this side of the building complex is poorly lit. Note to self; 'write a strongly worded letter to the mayor's office about providing adequate lighting on the public streets.' Admittedly, Rachel's current predicament is no one's fault but her own. Her vocal coach wanted to introduce a little opera to her repertoire and it was Rachel who chose to stay after her regular weekly lesson ended to perfect her range. Damn her work ethic, it might literally be the death of her one day soon!

And to top it off, if she manages to make it home without incident, she'll only be greeted by an empty house. Her dads are once again off on another business trip. She didn't bother to listen to where they were headed, too preoccupied by thoughts of being left alone in her big empty house and possibly at the mercy of a burgeoning sociopath, if he gets wind of her lack of parental supervision for a week. And of course he'll find out, he watches her like a hawk, always lurking in the shadows, a jaguar carefully stalking his prey.

She didn't heed the warning signs, likening his infatuation to what she _thought_ she felt for Finn once upon a time. She brushed off his advances, thinking him a harmless gnat, flitting around her but easily swatted when she felt inclined to finally dispose of him. But he wasn't and Rachel waited too long to do something about him. Now, she has to be on her guard at all times, not just in school where he can follow her from class to class. Or sit in the darkest corner of the auditorium to watch her during Glee practice. Now he slips 'suggestive' notes into her locker, he follows her on the weekends when she goes for her 5 mile run, puttering a few hundred feet behind her on his scooter (the boy drives a _scooter_, if that doesn't just scream malcontent!).

She spots his hideous hair barely hidden behind the rack of candy and magazines in the checkout lane next to hers when she goes grocery shopping. He's everywhere all the time, how do people not notice how very close to danger she is? Or maybe they do notice and just don't give a damn. Rachel knows for certain that Kurt caught him trying to sneak a peak into the girls bathroom after her morning slushie attack but all he did was comment on how fortunate it was that her atrocious sweater was destroyed, rather than be concerned with Jacob dying to catch a glimpse of her topless.

* * *

**Not As Stupid As She Looks**

One of the things that pisses Santana off the most in this world is when people treat Brittany like she has some sort of mental disability. _**Brittany is not stupid**__, _she may be a bit slow on the uptake at times but she is in no way mentally incapacitated and if you've ever held a conversation with the girl for more than four minutes then you're liable to walk away scratching your head and wondering why in the hell Brittany insists upon letting people think she's dumb. Santana was surprised one day back in junior year when Rachel of all people asked exactly that.

Brittany, Tina, Rachel and Quinn were all sitting around the choir room watching as Mr. Schue patiently walked Finn through the simple dance steps for the fifth time, really it's been how long and the big oaf still can only manage to stomp his foot as he sings? In between silently mocking the Jolly Green Giant and half listening to Tina and Quinn talking about a poem they had to analyze for English, Brittany makes a particularly insightful comment that leaves the group speechless. She immediately tries to cover it up with one of her random Brittany nonsensical idiolects but Rachel was on to the ruse.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?" Brittany asks, twirling her blond locks around her finger.

"You're constantly downplaying your intelligence Brittany, just like Tina still maintains her false speech impediment."

Tina lets out a startled gasp and four sets of eyes focus on her.

"How did you?"

"You sang five verses of True Colors without so much as a stammer." Rachel replies off handedly, brown eyes inquisitively locked onto the flummoxed blond.

* * *

**Shock & Awe **( Faberry, Judy Fabray)

Judy Fabray would sometimes wonder whatever became of her daughter Quinn. Sure it wouldn't be too difficult to really find out the information, plenty of Quinn's old schoolmates still live or visit their small town and she often sees that Puckerman woman in the grocery store or that strange (deranged) cheerleading Coach who surprisingly has her own television show now. But it's been ten years since her daughter graduated from high school and promptly left town two weeks later, if the gossip she heard in bible study class one day about those abominable Berry's finally realizing their kind was not wanted here, was true. Russell still remains steadfastly stubborn in his beliefs and disappoint in their younger child and Judy has enough sense of self preservation never to broach the topic of Quinn and the baby, least she incur his wrath. But every now and then as she walks the halls of their cold and empty house, Judy will stop outside of the door that used to house her beautiful angelic daughter and wonder when it all went wrong and most importantly, where her daughter is now.

The answer comes in the beginning of March, Mary Townson gathers the ladies of her Prayer Group over to her newly redecorated parlor to watch Barbara Walters Prime Time Oscar's Special. With a dry martini in hand, Judy stirs the olive stuck on the end of it's stick, Mary added too much vermouth as usual, and absentmindedly listens to the other women discuss the program set to begin any minute.

"Normally, I wouldn't care much for the Academy Awards show, the movies that are being made today are all about shock value," Elizabeth Jones, a plastic surgery addicted, adulterous woman who just loved to give her opinion even though no one cared to hear it states, "and extending the Best Picture category to ten has simply let the floodgates open for any pornographic, obscene piece of trash that these supposed filmmakers concoct."

There is a murmur of agreement that filters throughout the room but the show is starting and their attention is drawn to the screen. An half hour passes before Barbara announces that she is most excited to speak with her next guest, a young woman who in her short career has gain notoriety both on the Broadway stage and most recently in the role of Elphaba in a big screen adaptation of the award winning musical Wicked. Judy's head snaps to attention as Barbara introduces Rachel Berry.

She knows that name of course, the girl grew up in this very town and though it's inhabitants treated her family like outcasts for the duration, now that she has become famous Rachel Berry is somewhat of a local legend. The woman on the screen is beautiful and charming, she speaks eloquently about her accomplishments and how excited she is to not only be nominated for an Oscar but to also be performing a song at the awards ceremony.

As the interview is winding down, Barbara begins to ask more personal questions and if it's possible Rachel's smile beams even more luminous as she speaks of her family. The television is soon bombarded with still photos of her childhood, pictures of a little brown haired girl dressed as a ballerina flanked by two men that she lists as her fathers (there are several disgusted huffs coming from her companions). More photos of her high school Glee Club, showcases at Julliard's School of Music and Performing Arts, many plays on and off of Broadway that followed but the most shocking of all are the very last pictures of a gorgeous blond woman standing inappropriately close to Rachel, both in white dresses and smiling adoringly at one another.

Judy Fabray is almost certain she's having a stroke, her chest constricts painfully, her mouth is suddenly desert dry and blood is pounding so loud in her ears that she must be mistaken if she just heard this girl introduce the blond woman as Quinn, the love of her life and WIFE of eight years.

* * *

**Stunning With My Love Glue Gunning**

Taking another vicious bite off of her now mangled carrot stick, Dianna's normally kind hazel eyes narrow into catlike slits, acutely focused on the pair not fifty feet away from where she stood. They're laughing…again, together…_again_, Lea perched on the armrest of a chair in the Schuester Living Room set, her body basically draped over the older woman to peer at the pictures in the other brunettes hands.

She's not certain why this display annoys her so much, from their very first meeting she discerned that Lea Michele was a very affectionate person. She liked to talk with her hands to illustrate her point and if you were amongst the very few she called friend, then you had better get used to the tiny woman's constant hugs or unconsciously slipping her arm through yours. But that's just it, Dianna _had_ gotten used to being Lea's favorite snuggie (and no she's not referring to that insanely retarded yet incredibly useful full body blanket), during the filming of the first thirteen episodes and promotional tours. Dianna was happy to note that she and Lea were a little closer than the rest and if she's reading the hints Lea's constantly dropping on her, it may be more than friendship. Sure there was other competition, Cory, Mark and interestingly enough, Dijon but a few well placed remarks and a lot of pointed hip hugging and the boys backed off. Now if only it were so easy to ward off the cougars.

"Di are you even listening to me, or are you too busy gawking at your girl?" Naya sighs in aggravation at the blond when it becomes apparent that no, Dianna wasn't paying attention to their conversation.

"Do you think it's her?" Dianna absently questions, her eyes never straying from the two cozy brunettes.

"Do I think who's 'her'?"

"You know what I'm talking about. 'Her', the one who she said…the one Lea…"

"Oh '_**Her**_'?" Naya catches on quickly as she recalls Lea's words from last night, "The one who she had fallen madly in love with?"

"She's got really nice breast right? Lea's into breast and Idina's are…I mean look at where she's sitting, she's like practically drooling down the woman's blouse."

"Snap outta it!" Naya cries, throwing a cherry tomato at the dazed blond and hitting her square in the forehead.

"A tomato Nay, really?"

"You say tomato, I say tomatoe." the Latina sings, arming herself with more of the tiny fruits just in case Di needs another reality check.

Loud laughter brings their focus back to the Schuester set, the brunettes are huddled closer together and Dianna catches the mischievous gleam in Idina's dark eyes as her hand not so casually slips higher up Lea's 'Berry Skirt.' Dianna's eyes burn with tears as she watches Lea cover Idina's wandering hand on her thigh with her own but makes no further movement to remove the troublesome appendage.

"Di…why don't we take off, you're done for the day right?"

"Yeah, I had like one line so…"

"Least you got that, all I had to do was sit in the background sneering while HeMo braided my hair." Naya laughs bitterly, so much for being upgraded to a series regular. "We should just bail, I mean do you really want to sit around and watch while Lea and Idina lyrically fuck each other for the next three hours? Especially considering they're suppose to be playing mother/daughter, that shits just disturbing."

* * *

**The Girl Will Never Learn**

(And this last one was just an idea that I had when I re-watched the 'Funk' episode. It's set after Rachel is egged by Vocal Adrenalin and is retelling the harrowing experience to the rest of the Gleeks.)

"You still have his number saved?" Santana scoffs in disgust at the back of Rachel's head

The brunette pretends to focus on Mr. Schue relaying what he _thinks_ is an intimidating message to the teen who screwed them over, but judging by the way her shoulders slump in embarrassment, Santana knows she heard her. And it's funny because that pisses her off more than anything.

Rachel has taken at least two slushies to the face nearly everyday for two years and still managed to walk the halls with her head held high. Then Jesse St. Dickhead starts in with the mind games and all of a sudden Rachel Berry is reduced to some pathetic husk of her former glory that smells like omelets.

One would think that growing up with two gay dads would give the girl a little insight on men but it seems as though Santana is going to have to take measures into her own hands. Purely for the sake of the club and not because she feels sorta bad that Rachel is always the one singled out to be fucked over.


End file.
